Unicycle Man

So in our office here at work, we have a number of office plants just sitting around that, I guess, is an attempt to lighten and "refresh" the mundane "toast" color of the carpet, cubicles, walls, and doors. With these plants comes The Plant Man. This crazy guy comes around about once a week or so to water and trim the plants. Well, today we were all treated to the plant man and his metamorphosis into Unicycle Man.

Before I get too far ahead of myself let me describe him. Think of Richard Simmons haircut and put it on a jockey-sized white guy. Then, put him in jorts and nerdy white socks, and put a feather duster sticking out of his back pocket.

(Sidenote: We all know that "jorts" are jean shorts, but the following terminology is crucial:
bleans = black jeans
blorts = black jean shorts

I refuse to acknowledge anyone who doesn't use these terms or wears any of these three articles of clothing. I will not argue about this.)

Well long ago, I started hearing rumors about how Plant Man creeps out every girl who works here. In fact, they all hide when he comes in. It's not so much that he is creepy, eventhough he is, but its more that he starts telling you things that you didn't want to know, or would ever care to talk about for that matter. Like unicycles. Yes kids, today he cornered me at my desk and told me all about how he is such an avid unicycler. In fact, he's been doing it for years. You're a plant guy AND you ride a unicycle?!?! Wow, you must get laid all the time!

So here I am pretending to interested, and then pretending to be busy, and then pretending to have to go to lunch while this guy tells me about his unicycling club. This exchange leads to him offering to show me his unicycle that he actually has in his plant van downstairs. Well, it took all my might, but I passed on this opportunity so that I could hide in my car until his van had left before I safely went to lunch. What would have happened if Unicycle Man had took me down and opened the doors to that van and produced a unicycle?

I don't know, but I can safely say that the entire thing was easily the dorkiest thing I have seen in months.

Viddy