I'm lovin' it

From the jumbled outline I have created on a small pink sticky note, I can safely predict that my writing will be a bit scattered today. In fact, almost all my ideas are written on sticky notes that litter my pockets and desk throughout the day. With this comes the inevitable fact that many of these never make it from my pocket, but instead meet their ultimate demise in my washing machine. Say a prayer for the forgotten thoughts and stories, and lets focus our attention on our show for today.

I guess today's episode (Yes, I have taken to referring to The Shitter as a "show" that has "episodes." Deal with it) will focus mainly on a few musings that I have collected throughout the week, and anything that may come to mind in between. All right ramblers, lets get rambling...

RT sent me another gem today as I sifted out of my haze early this morning at work:

Okay, more ridiculous character: Mayor McCheese or Grimace?

Wow. All I could say was "Thank you for that."

(Is there anything better than completely random messages from friends that require an entire day's worth of thought? I mean I haven't thought about McDonaldland or its absurd residents in years, but now I am immersed in a world with the Fry Guys and the McNugget Buddies while Ronald McDonald prances around Filet-O-Fish Lake picking fresh hamburgers from the Hamburger Patch like he's Michael Jackson at the Neverland Ranch. This is why I love my friends).

So as the day went on, I gave this a little bit of thought and have made a decision. While I first made a commitment to the Grimace being the creepier of the two, I did some research on Wikipedia and rethought my choice. Mayor McCheese is, without question, far and away creepier. My main reason for choosing him is this: Which one would you rather want chasing you? I imagine the Grimace being kind of like Lenny from Of Mice and Men, a gentle giant. He seems like a big goof ball that wouldn't have a mean bone in his body. Just lots of throaty giggles and spinning around before falling to the ground in a heap of laughter. Basically, he's Barney the Dinosaur, only created by a guy on a severe acid trip. I think that's why he went from being the shake-stealing Evil Grimace to a gum drop-looking figure who seems like he would do a lot of tickling. He's harmless, I'm sure of it. Besides, you can't convince me that you don't want to give him a hug. I do.

Mayor McCheese, on the other hand, is terrifying. Look at him. I mean really look at him. That is a pissed off hamburger! He's probably pissed that you ate all his friends. Add to this that he has an unreasonably gigantic head AND a top hat and some glasses on a string. Bone chilling. I don't mess with cheeseburgers that look like Englishmen. Period. Furthermore, he's a frickin mayor. He has the power, not to mention the cronies (think Fry Guys), to take you or me out. I wouldn't mess with him in a million years. How did he get elected anyways? Isn't Ronald the most popular dude in McDonaldland? How did he lose in a town named after him? This is all a bit too fishy to me. And I can't reiterate this enough, but look at his frickin head!

I guess what I am trying to say is that when push comes to shove, I don't judge in McDonaldland, but I do know who I would talk to on the streets and who I wouldn't. I just hope the Grimace has got my back. So there it is. And just when I thought I had it all sorted out, Ryan comes at me with this:

And what about the Hamburglar? He would've made such a great, legit villain if he wasn't so gay!...Stupid girlish giggle of his, pissed me off.

Gold, Ryan. Solid gold.

Quirky Asian Guy from Subway: Yesterday, I went to Subway, as I normally do, for a tasty, delicious sub to fulfill my constant appetite. I get my food and am filling up my cup with Coke when I decide that I am gonna flip the script and get orange soda instead. A bold move. So I dump out my Coke and look around to see if anyone has noticed me wasting an entire cup of Coke. No justifiable reason why I felt that I had to look around. Just felt like it was necessary. No point questioning my idiosyncrasies, lets just keep going.

So as I am illustrating an unnecessary degree of paranoia to the entire demographic in Subway, I see a small Asian guy standing at the cash register paying for his food. There is nothing particularly funny about the way this guy is dressed, but his behavior is what left me standing at the drink fountain staring at him like I was at the zoo. While he was paying, he was inexplicably moving up and down by bending only his knees outward, like this. I don't even know what else to say about it. He kind of looked like an awkward ballerina, only in khakis. I watched this whole thing transpire until he left, but I was kind of disappointed in the end because I was expecting him to give the cashier a small bow before politely walking out the door. I guess the point of the story is that it was the most ridiculous thing I have seen in months.

Diet Soda: I spent the last part of my day yesterday eating some much-needed Cool Ranch Doritos. I love these chips like they are family, but I found a way to ruin them. Drink Diet Dr. Pepper with them. I forgot how bad that stuff is. There was a free one sitting around, and I am no sucker when it comes to grabbing a freebie, but I will not be duped twice. This stuff may be worse than Diet Coke. Sorry, all you diet soda fans, but diet soft drinks are terrible. Period. I will not argue about this. They ruined my Doritos, and almost my day. In fact, let me say this to you, diet soda, you pushed it too far when your messed with my chips. You've been warned.

Gumball-non: So today I grabbed a gumball and bit into it . It was not a gumball. It was a jawbreaker. Just thought you should know that.

Albert Clifford's the name, but you can call me A.C.: You know the "show summary" that comes up when you press "info" on your TV remote when you have digital cable or satellite? Well Pat sent me this today, containing the text from one of our favorites:

Today on Saved By the Bell: The College Years - Slater "finds out" that he's Mexican."

I have nothing to say about this.

Have a good weekend.