From The Archives: MIRMS

Ok, as promised here is one of the old Milwuakee's Best write ups. If you don't know who Team Milwuakee's Best is then you're in for a treat. I hope. The rest of you just sit back and enjoy the memories. This is the original "MIRM Awards" from football season this year after we lost the championship game. All of these columns will appear in their original and unedited form so forgive the grammar, and prepare for some TMB Football jumpin' all over yo bones.

Ok guys, with the close of the flag football season I decided that I wanted to do one more write-up coulmn. Instead of talking about how TMB was utterly overmatched by the Sex Panthers (60% of the time they win everytime), I decided to do the first ever Moment I Remember Most Awards (MIRM). I could have written a best/worst column, or even a write-up of the best plays we made, but thats not how I will remember the season. The way I remember it was a collection of funny, sad, and otherwise jaw-dropping moments on and off the field. So with this in mind, I have made a collection each player's moments that I will remember long after the season is over. This may be a two-part column due to time constraints.

With that out of the way, I determined each person's MIRM based on a number of factors. The First was longevity. Will I always remember this? That elminates most good plays in non-crucial games. That in mind, a play in an unimportant game can be awarded a MIRM if it was special enough. Second, the moment had to make my jaw drop in a good or bad way. This means that plays or even moments that made usa ll just wonder 'what the hell is going on? all qualify.' Finally, the last criteria was importance. If a player made a big play in a big game, its most likely gonna be mentioned. Ok, here is my one warning: Not everyone's MIRM is a great play, but its something that we all joked about, so dont take offense if you dont like your award, cuz no one remebers your third TD score against the band, but we do remember when you completely lost it and had to be strapped down....now thats a MIRM!

On to the awards.......

Patrick "The Old Grey Wolf" Lyons: WHEN PAT ABSOLUTLEY LOST IT AFTER I CRITICIZED HIS FOUTH AND GOAL BAD SNAP IN THE LOSS TO PHI DELT. This was by far the easist MIRM to pick. Who doesnt remember Pat just throwing the fit of fits and storming off the field while tearing his jersey off like the wolfman during a full moon? Wasn't everyone just kinds staring in disbelief? I'm not sure what was better, his temper tantrum or the way he stayed around prowling the sidelines, cursing under his breath. What makes this the winner is that it just came out of nowhere. This is Pat's Tyson-Holyfield moment, everything changed after this. HONORABLE MENTION: PAT LOSING IT IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP AFTER THE BLOWN TD CALL; THREE TD GAME AGAINST BAND (there are you happy?).

Bryan Rodriguez: RED ZONE INTERCEPTION AGAINST THE FOUNDATION IN SEMI-FINALS. Another simple choice. Big game, bigger play. Up by two with the oppenent driving, Brian comes out of nowhere to grab the ball with a little more than one min remaining. If there has ever been someone apoitomized by one outstanding play, its this one. This is your legacy, Bryan, NFL players have made careers off lesser plays (see Ex-Cowboy Larry Brown). In the glow of this play your 15 min will never be up.

J.D. "Hands" White: JD'S FIRST GAME. this game introduced the world to the decoy of all decoys, JD White. Double covered all day, JD was held scoreless no matter how many times he was thrown the ball. I mean time after time he just kept dropping it. This game also featured JD interecptiong two passes and almost blowing three others. has there ever been more of a hit-or-miss guy than JD? Of course there has. Chase was much more erradic last season in softball, but for now JD holds the coveted title. HONORABLE MENTION: JD's GOD-AWFUL TIMING ON ALL OF HIS JUMPS TO INTERECPT THE BALL; DROPPING THE AWARDED GAMEBALL.

Ryan "The Truth/RT" Trimball: AMAZING OFF-THE-GROUND INTERCEPTION. This was quite a play. With the WR coming across the field I stepd up to try for a pick, but was going to be late. The wr, however, bobbles the ball backwards over my left shoulder and into the hands of RT. He scoops it off the ground and runs towards the endzone, and laterals it for a touchdown. Great play that maybe only one other player on our team could have made. Just amazing, and it broke the game open...i believe it was the first playoff game. Clutch for a seasoned vet, he like the Brian Mitchell or Dave Megget of intramurals.

P.J. "Slash" Torres: 1ST GAME OF THE SEASON WHERE PJ THREW FOR A COUPLE OF TDS, THEN CAUGHT ANOTHER COUPLE ALONG WITH LIKE 10 EXTRA POINTS. This was the "wow" moment of the year. With plenty of QB's at the helm, PJ lined up at Wr and showed his ability to make plays. This was like watching Kordell Stewart in his first season....just his first, he sucked after that! Pj is hard to select MIRMS for cuz he just gets it done, and makes it look easy in the process, but lets not forget his mis-play in left field in softball-just tragic. HORORABLE MENTION: AMAZING PICK IN THE GAME WHER ALL THOSE GUYS WOULD STARTE CHEERING WHEN THEY DID BAD OR GOOD CUZ WERE WERE KILLING THEM-HE GRABBED THIS ONE OFF THE PEBBELS.

Chad "The Lost Child" Chokel: WALKING OFF THE FIELD AT HALFTIME WITH JOEL BECAUSE THEY WERE LATE. This was a hard one to choose. And i know chad will hate me for picking this one, so I have nothing more to say about this. HONORABLE MENTION: CHAD ACTUALLY GETTING AN INTERCEPTION; SACK IN SEMI-FINALS AGAINST FOUNDATION IN THE CLOSING SECONDS TO SECURE TRIP TO CHAMPIONSHIP; CHADS "STATUE LEGS" WHEN THE BALL IS IN THE AIR.

"Chest Bumpin" Chase: THE PLUMMER 'STACHE. Nice to have an easy chocie again. I will always remember Chase randomly showing up with a child molester mustache to play. This was a thing of beauty. Its greatess made me forget about chase's game with three td's. No athletic feat or accomplishment could overcome this bit of socially uncomfrtable facial hair. Just breath-taking. HONORABLE MENTION: THE HOGAN MUSTACHE THE FOLLOWING WEEK.Well, I think that I am going to go to lunch here soon, so that will be part 1 of the MIRM's. Part 2 still to come....hey, and i am open to feedback....so if you write you might get to add some input.\

Part II

Well, guys I had written out the entire secind part before i lost it....and let me say: that sucks. I will try to write this again, but my heart is really not into it becasue I cant remember what i wrote.

But, lets try this again:"Guess what? I've got a fever, and the only perscription is more cowbell!"
Here's your damn cowbell:

Quick note: Pat's MIRM (when he went Ken Shamrock on the world after his bad snap), is the award winner for the "Willie Loman/Death of A Sales Man" Award for most uprooting and domestically abusive act towards loved ones. Picture him as a disgruntled Willie and me as a confrontaional and defiant Biff. That was a moment that showed his absolute dissatisfaction with life and everything in the world came to an ugly head on the middle of the field.

Pat/Willie: That's it! I hate being center and a sales man. I run this house but no one respects me, dammit!

brian/Biff: I was only kidding, and you cant control me anymore, I'm grown now. you cant get mad when i do stuff like this, but we're on your side remember this.

Pat/Willie: Dont tell me what I can and cant do!

Brian/biff: cant you see that you're killing yourself! Why are you leaving? You cant just walk away from your problems and your family! YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS!

-Just a fine moment that would make Aurther Miller Proud.

(I know that many of you have no idea what I'm talking about, but its ok Chad. It was an allusion to a theatre production, that you may or may not have pretended to read in high school.)on with the show.......

Ryan "Shorts/Cryin' Ryan" Amos: WHEN HE WHINED AND CRIED LIKE A GIRL AFTER I DIDNT MENTION SOME OF HIS PLAYS FROM A MEANINGLESS GAME. This was close call becasue It may not be what many of you remember about Amos, but I certainly do. Who would have thought that He could sink to the same level that T. O. was on at the exact same time? When you think about it, Ryan is pretty much is just like TO, except Ryan isnt Tall. Or Athletic. Or Fast. Or an NFL player. Or black. But he does carry himself with an undeserving sense of accomplishment, much like TO does. I really wanted to award Ryan's MIRM as the day he brought Jeff to play with us, but that was more of an MVP type of thing, and I figured he might get upset with me saying his best achievement was brining some one else. By the way, thats not a knock on Ryan, but a testimate to his ability to scout. Hey Ryan, why dont you use that ability to finds us a middle infielder and deactivate yourself, thereby eliminating a huge hole at short stop?That would be a feat. HONORABLE MENTION: RYAN'S OUT-OF-BOUNDS TD AGAINST KAPPA SIG (nice sell). RYAN PLANTING HIS FACE INTO EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING.

Brian "B.Viddy/Heisman Hype" Vidrik: DROPPING THREE PASSES TO START A GAME, TWO OF THEM BEING FOR TD'S AND THEN USUNG HIS FOOT TO FIANLLY HAUL ONE IN. Its hard to rate your own moments like this, and to tell you the truth it is something that i would like to forget, but I figured that this is what you all would pick if you were in charge...but your not. Anyways, this had to the only moment of the year when the band had the "we're losing to thses guys?" look on their face. Think about it. I hadnt dropped a ball all year (shut up INT's dont count) and had pulled off two great endzone TD's in the previous weeks, only to resort to dropping an open out, an open TD out , and another open TD out, only to see Our team, their team, and Dewitt the ref all laughing. Whats worse is that i had to use a third appendage to secure my only TD cathch. after returning a lateral for a TD, I had a potential 6 TD game taken away by being called down on the 1 yardline twice, and two drops. That would have been historical, but all you guys remember is me dropping the ball. What of the game that never was?!?! You never talk about that! I hate all of you! HONORABLE MENTION: CONSECUTIVE SIDELINE TD GRABS (where the name hesiman hype came from); INTERCEPTING A LATERAL IN THE FINAL GAME (that was just silly!)

Jeff "Dammit I'm open, wait, RUN! RUN!, YES!" Pick: HIS FIRST GAME. Ok, this one was difficult. I chose this one based on a few things. The first is that no one saw this coming and the second was, that we almost didnt allow it to happen. We had just let David take over as QB for PJ and he had proceeded to just torch the team we were playing. Me and pat were happy to have a qb and have PJ at his best position, WR (kinda like when the falcons get wise and turn Vick into a top notch wide out...oh its gonna happen, mark it down). We were strolling along all happy, up by a score or two when suddenly this guy who we just met- who seems fast- says to david,"hey do you mind if I take series?" Me and Pat suddenly shot each other the "Who the hell, does this little prick think he is? this is our team comma dammit!" Well I lined up very frustrrated that this wide out who I didnt know suddenly felt the urge to be our quarterback. Boy were me and pat wrong. Jeff took the ball and fired it about with great accuracy, the best part was that he was able to move around when the rush came and was as nimble as chase snakeing, up on a an unsuspecting boy with his molester 'stache. Our "this fucking sucks" looks changed to "we may have somethig here" looks of joy. And with that our two headed qb attck was born. That is until David got eaten by a lowland gorillia and never told anyone and was never seen again by the team....ever. Another reason I chose that moment is that Jeff played very consistant all year and didnt give me too many opportunities to find one thing that stood out. I didn play with the thought of making his MIRM as the three games that he didnt show up, especially the two we lost, cuz those sucked! Anyways, great season. HONORABLE MENTION: WHEN JEFF FAKED THE PANTS OFF THAT GUY WITH A PUMP-FAKE WHEN HE WAS ALREADY 32 YARDS PAST THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE (Bonus points for the yells his teammates made after he fell for the pump fake. "dude, your like on the goal line! Why the hell are you jumping?)

ok, well I think thats it for the MIRMS. I only awarded them to those who showed up regularly. Otherwise you would have gotten the award for not showing up anymore and thats just mean, but no hard feelings we appreciate all of you guys anyways joel and david . And guys, I have tried to see if I have left anyone off,I dont think I did, but if I did just let me know, cuz I thought of MIRMS for all of you little bitches.

Final season news and notes:
*As expected we finsihed as Number 2 (insert your austin powers or anchor man joke here). *We are looking to pick up the option on jeff pick for the basketball season.
*Pat will be unavailable for basketball season as he is still on the IM field yelling at the spot of the blown TD call in the championship game, insisting that the pass was incomplete. I dont think hes gonna leave until he wins this argument.
*PJ says he will pursue free agency-but TMB intends to offer arbitration. i think we will see him again.
*Viddy is pondering retirement, deciding between riding off into the sunset or choosing to end his carreer via an inadvertant acl tear in basketball season a year after he graduated. He is weighing his options with his closest friends and family.
*Chad wondered into the forest and is living with a small community of bears. These bears seem to know the where abouts of former TMB player Canyon Platt's remains. More as the story develops, but we hope that chad will eventually see somthing "shiney" and wander back onto our team.
*No word on if the options on David and Joel will be picked up...maybe if they buy brian a beer he will be content (read: you owe me a drink)
*expect chase and JD to become regulars on the team, just as RT is one already. that is if they can keep the facial hair a flowin'
*Ryan Amos has not been offred arbitration He has been suspended for four games and will be placed on the inactive list for the rest of the season. The team has no immediate plans to pursue him in the free agent market. Unless he loses the 'tude.

Thats all for this year. If you have interest in playing basketball for TMB let us know ASAP. I think the team should be called "Prince and the Revolution" or "the Blouses" or even "More cowbell" , but the first two are better. Lets see if we can change to prince and the rev....or wait, wouldnt "Purple Rain" be a great name? ok I'm rambling. That means its time to go.

Viddy
(estimated amount made while writing this column -including part ! and the infamous phantom part II that was lost- 39-40 dollars...life is great.