Unicycle Man Strikes Back!

With out any Mavericks on TV I am starting to get the shakes, and have even gone as far as going back to the gym after my 3 week sabbatical to watch basketball every night. My body is sore and weary and I am grumpy. The only thing keeping me sane is the Rangers playing well and staying in first place. I'll write something about this later.

The real reason I am here today is to tell you of some regretful news. Unicycle Man/Plant Man, (who I wrote about earlier in my archives here ) is back. Not only is he back, but he is recruiting minions. Why? I'm not sure, but it can't be good. I am theorizing that he is planning on forming an army of dorky unicyclers that he will lead into battle against all conventional thought on the un-coolness unicycles. Not sure what it will accomplish, but I think it’s better if we prevent this all together.

The reason I say he is forming this dark and dorky army of these "one-wheeled warriors" is that one of my close co-workers, Jeffrey (shout out!), has fallen under Unicycle Man's tempest spell and plans on purchasing his very own unicycle. In fact, he intends to buy a mountain unicycle. I know, I know...I'll say it. How does THAT work? I can't imagine staying on a single wheel on flat ground, let alone a freaking mountain! Now you see where I'm coming from. Its questions like this that make me worried about this whole unicycle thing in the first place.

Anyways, I have also found that one of my co-workers down in the IT department is an avid unicycle rider. Luckily for all, he has not met Unicycle Man, nor been exposed to his dark prophesies. Unfortunately, Jeffery is spreading Unicycle Man's evil wisdom to him. The most disturbing part? This guy is the head of IT. That means he could recruit all seven members of the tech squad, turning the eight floor of the building into a fortress of impending doom and dorkiness.

I'm not sure of the repercussions of not acting quickly on this, but I fear they will be similar to the non-actions of the Catholics in Germany in World War II; too little too late. The next thing we will know, these unicyclers will be every where, and I refuse to live in a world on "one-wheelers." It is for that reason, Jeffrey, that I simply cannot support your decision or lifestyle anymore. You've been warned.