Idiot Kicker

Before I get to it, I must say that this column is very, very rushed. I have only a few minutes left before I head to the airport for a glorious weekend in Colorado. So forgive me for the lower than normal quality. Also, Luke should be getting some stuff up on Two Point Conversion soon, so check that out. (And while I am at it, Luke, you need to post the stuff on TPC. Thanks, dude.) Now that everything is in its place, lets get rolling...

Mike Vanderjagt is terrible, plain and simple. He missed two easy field goals last night in the Cowboys game. You have to think that his miss from the Pittsburgh game is still in his head. Anyways, the good people of Dallas have learned that this guy is possibly the cockiest man to ever walk the face of the Earth. His post-game interview stated that he "he could hit those two kicks in his sleep." Oh yeah, why didn't you then? To get a good perspective of just how ridiculous this guy is read this article about him. Is there anyway that he could possibly get any more annoying? Is he missing the point about life? He seems so on the surface about everything. It’s pretty bad even for an athlete. I swear, there are shallow people and then there is Mike Vanderjagt.

Besides just reading it for yourself and listening to his moronic ramblings about how good he is and his "mind boggling stats" he says a number of things that make me want to shove bamboo under my fingers. I would spend an entire 2,000 word column on this, but my deadline is looming. In the interest of time here are some quick hits:

--Talks about his intimidating presence and athletic ability. It seems he forgot that he is a kicker.

--Has a dumb tattoo with a Nike swoosh, but has "Mike" instead of "Nike." A corporate tattoo with your own name juxtaposed on it? Really? Just writing this is making me mad as hell. I need to stop soon.

--Says his son will have to deal with a lot of jealous friends because he is so much more blessed than everyone else.

--I couldn't find a way to describe this next quote so I will just post it up here in its entirety:

On how he got his nickname 'Hollywood': "I just think a couple of the guys thought I had the "Hollywood" looks: I had the longer, curly blond hair, blue-eyed, tall...just the typical "Brad Pitt" look I guess, for lack of a better guy. I had it in college too. It's kind of funny that a group of people who had no connection whatsoever told me the same thing. So it must have had some truth to it"

For lack of a better guy, Brad Pitt???? Are you kidding me??? "There must be some truth to it."I'm sorry, but who does this guy think he is? I haven't seen anyone over-estimate their own qualities so absurdly since Ron Burgundy's character in Anchorman. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Vanderjagt refers to himself and his kicking leg as separate entities. Writing about him literally makes me want to stick a letter opener in my eye. Is it ok, to root for a team to win all of its games, but hope the kicker misses every field goal he tries? Basically, what I am trying to say is, Mike Vanderjagt, I hate you.

P.S. Check out wonder boy, himself, right here in his most shining moment:



Good ole RT: Ryan sent me this the other day:

So any idea where I can get about 200 cups of Lemon Chill?

I honestly didn't know what to say, but I knew if I asked questions it would only ruin every one of the imaginary scenarios that was running through my head as to why he would ask me this. Some times things are better left unanswered.

And just when I thought he couldn't be any more random: Ryan sends me this e mail today:

I'm working on this spreadsheet trying to decipher the genders of the people on the list, male or female. But what the hell am I supposed to do with a name like "Chin-Jung Wu?" anybody...? Anybody? I'm all about the heritage but come on man, what the hell am I supposed to do with that?

Your guess is as good as mine. Mark it "NA" and move on.

Have a great weekend.