But I'm Tim Duncan!

Sorry San Antonio, but the Spares are going home in the first round for the first time in 9 years. Mavs won convincingly in 5 games to face either Denver or New Orleans in the next round. Dallas showed they are the better team, though I wonder how this series plays out If Manu Ginobli had been healthy. Duncan has obviously lost a step, but is still effective. That team is going to have to do something. They just don't look right.

One thing I noticed about this Mavs team is that while we all thought that the Mavs had done nothing over the past few seasons to change the roster (aside from the JKidd trade), they have added lots of youth to the bench. Bass, Barea, and even Ryan Hollins have brought life into the team and made this old jump shooting team a bit more athletic. I like the moves they have made, and the reemergence of Josh Howard has made this team dangerous again. Props to Coach Carlyle for what he has done with a roster that Avery Johnson said would be lucky to make the playoffs this season.

Coach C has brought a toughness to this team that Avery lost after the '06 Finals. Another point of interest that he has proven is that he can game plan around when Dirk is having an off night or is being shut down. Two years ago (and even lst year) if Dirk is shutdown, that's it.

Another aspect of this team is that JKidd makes this team. Say what you want about trading Devin Harris for him, Mavs make the playoffs twice and advance once, while New Jersey hasn't really sniffed the playoffs. Kidd is really making the role players better when Dirk or Jet is off.

The most important thing to come from this whole ordeal is that Spurs fans can now shut up. There is no team that is personified by their fans in the amount of whining they do. Well, that might not be fair, the fans could be a personification of the team. Either way, every time there is contact with the Spurs, the crowd screams bloody murder. Every time a foul is called on them, the fans groan and yell. Then when the reply comes on the crowd reacts like someone just performed a fatality from Mortal Kombat. Seriously Spurs fans, its getting old. Add to this Duncan and Ginobli's palms up every time a whistle blows like the cops just pointed a gun at them and its become a very tired act. Seriously Tim, you have committed a foul before. Get over it.

All in all, a great series for Dallas. They have taken care of San Antonio the last two times they have played in the playoffs. I look forward to what happens next.

Go Mavs.

Congo

Does anyone remember that terrible movie Congo? The entire movie's premise revolved around some dudes and a sign language-talking gorilla that uses a speaking device going into the jungle to look for some type of treasure or some crap. There they encounter ghost-like gorillas and lasers. Lasers. Really?

The premise is too infuriating for me to go on about even if it was written by Micheal Crichton. However, I think the movie is summed by by this picture my buddy Chris sent me yesterday.

The worst part of this whole ordeal is that about a year ago I walked into Blockbuster looking for this movie as I hadn't seen it in about a decade. When I couldn't find it, I meekly asked the guy working at the store if they had the movie. He looked at me as if I were a child and asked, "Congo? You're looking for the movie Congo? . . . Umm, jeeze no one has ever asked for that, let me check." In retrospect, I should have just lowered my head and walked quickly out the door, got in my car, and avoided that place for the better part of three months. Alas, I did not. He told me that they did not have the movie, making me feel even stupider. I probably would have been better off just lying and asking for Devine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. All in all, I left feeling like he just witnessed me being beaten up by a girl.

Terrible.

Mavs v Spares

Now that playoff time has rolled around again I think its time to talk Mavs. I don't have the will to look up if I ever wrote about the debacle against Golden State in '07 or the ass-whooping by the Hornets last year, so I will include that here. All in all, it may be better that I am am looking at the long term finished product of those series rather than providing knee-jerk reactions after those series were completed.

Obviously, the Heat series did something to this team, or at least the Golden State series. Ever since then, and while under Avery, the Mavs would get this look on their face once the game was getting out of control. They would just look around at each other looking for someone who could stop their opponent. I was rummaging through old posts and found that I pondered this question the day after the Mavs blew game 7 of the NBA finals. I wrote, "That must be resonating in their heads. You have to wonder what kind of mental damage this might have on the team because, you know, deep down, they are asking themselves, "How in the world, did we lose this series?""

That was one thing I wish I wasn't right about. However, the Mavs decided to mortgage the future and trade for Jason Kidd last season. I will reserve my opinions on this because the trade was more of an impulse buy. I think people have given more deliberation on whether to buy a Shamwow! than Cuban did on the Jason Kidd move. It hasn't paid any dividends, but the trade cannot be considered a bust because this Mavs team wasn't winning the Finals last year with Devin Harris either. The team needed a shake up, and shake it up they did. For better or worse.

Either way, its 2009 and the playoffs are back. The Mavs have gone from possibly missing the playoffs to eeking into the 6th seed and drawing the Ginobli-less Spurs. At first glance this seems like the ideal match up for the Mavs because the Spurs are not the same without Manu, and the Mavs did split their series 2-2 this season. However, it should be noted the Mavs lost their last game with the Spurs while Duncan and Ginobli were out. Moreover, the game wasn't even that close. All that aside, I like the odds. I will reserve predictions as my predictions are about as reliable as the pull-out method.

So you know what i will be doing on Saturday night, I will be geared up for some Mavs basketball. So grab your Dirk juice, put on some Lazer, and head to Pluckers. Its 06 again. Go Mavs!

Oscar Worthy?

There are times in a person's life that they just have to say something. You know what I am talking about? Those times where something is going on and you just have to speak your mind no matter how bad you don't want to get involved with it. There are plenty of examples of this. My usual tipping point is when some idiot at a bar or sporting event is rambling off incorrect information regarding one of the teams I love. At this point I usually roll my eyes and say something to the person next to me, but hopefully loud enough for all to hear. It mostly doesn't get any more heated than that, mostly. For other people, their tipping point is different and revolves around more nerdly issues. For instance, last night my buddy Reed texted me at 2 AM to ask if I was awake. Assuming, but knowing better, that it was something important, I told him I was awake. He then called me and proceeded to rant about how he bought an update for an XBOX 360 game, only to find that it would force him to perform somewhere around six more in-game achievements in order for him to have a perfect gamerscore for the game. This was very upsetting to Reed. Meanwhile, I listened wondering why he couldn't have just sent me a text, or not bothered to tell me at all. Ever. The point is, that there are certain things you encounter that you just have to give your two bits on, and I have encountered one and I just can't bit my tongue anymore. I am using this outlet as almost no one will see it.

Today, in my Professional Responsibility class, was being unprofessional and irresponsible by cruising the internet while trying to detract from any and all information that the professor was providing for us (Side note: I think I have made it well known on this site that anything before 10 AM is an ungodly hour meant for sleep). However, I came upon a CNN article (its the April 16, blog) that reports that Texas Governor Rick Perry wants Texas to secede from the Union over the bailout plan. Upon closer inspection, the Gov was at one of those stupid Tea Party things yesterday (Side note: I will not comment on the ludicrousness of these Tea Parties, such as the fact that the Boston Tea Party was based on taxation without representation, taxes were decreased this year, and that during a financial crisis Keynesian Economics, not trickle-down economics, are as money as Kobe in in the last two minutes of a basketball game. Again, I will not comment on these) says, "There there is absolutely no reason to dissolve [the Union], but" . . . if Washington continues its spending policies Texas should secede from the Union. Buddy, you cannot be serious.

Rick, let me give you a little history lesson that ranges from about 1861-1865. During that time, we tried this. It didn't work. In fact, it failed so miserably, that now secession is not only illegal, but treasonous. Now, I know that Rick was likely just trying to rally the crowd, but there are people that listen to idiots like him, and they believe what he says. Somehow they will think that Texas should, indeed, secede from the Union. Now, casting aside all the economic failure that would likely follow secession, I starting thinking about how political tactics like this exist on both sides of the political spectrum. When Reps were in power, it was unpatriotic to protest the war, when Dems are in power its unpatriotic to not protest the bailouts. As my head nearly exploded, it finally made sense to me. And now I will explain it to you--armed with the most powerful weapon in the English language: the analogy.

Politics in this country are like a Hollywood movie, and the parties that run it are the directors of the film. Who you have running the film is very important regarding how the film turns out. For instance if the Nazi party was in charge, this guy on the right would be your director. See how this works? OK, lets move on to the meat of this analysis. In the case of the United States, lets let Micheal Bay represent Republicans. His movies are all explosions, special effects, and flags waving to electric guitar solos (i.e. Armageddon, Transformers). Now, let Wes Anderson represent the Democrats. His movies are all witty banter, structured stories, and insightful epiphanies (i.e. Life Aquatic, Royal Tenenbaums). On their own, each stands to be an OK movie to their respective audiences. Some might be better than others, but more than likely, Transformers 2 will not be nominated for an academy award. The Anderson/Democrat movies will stand a bit more of a chance to win an award because the Academy (Europe) likes that kind of stuff, but overall it will not blow your movie pants off, and would lose to a stronger nominee.

Obviously the great movies are the ones that take bits and pieces of either of these genres and combine them to create the blockbuster that makes you see it the movie five times while its in theatres. I'm talking about you Dark Knight and Saving Private Ryan. So to come back around full circle, I am trying to tell Washington that most of us have had enough of both parties using the same tactics and allowing simple minded Americans to follow the screams of cable TV pundits. Are the Republicans right? Sometimes. Are the Democrats right? Sometimes. But I don't want my government run like the movie Con Air, or like some flick where the actors might as well wear a sign stating that they are better than me.

Seriously guys, its time to realize that, much like Will Ferrell, you both have some really good ideas and some really bad ideas. Some really bad ideas.

I'm sorry this was ranty rather than comical, but I had to say something. Hopefully, the comedy returns sooner than later. I will try to keep this thing going and I am more than open to suggestions.

However, before I go I have to say that when I began this blog the Mavs were playing the Spurs in the playoffs, now that I am back the same match up will begin this weekend. I guess what I am trying to say is SUCK IT SAN ANTONIO!

TWO YEARS LATER . . .

My Dearest Readers,

Look, there is no easy way around this. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I left you. It wasn’t you, it was me. We drifted apart. My life started going one way and yours another, look it was inevitable . . . but I’m glad you’re here. That is if you are even here. You look good. Yeah, I know I’ve changed a bit too. I’m in law school now. Second year! What? No way, you have a real job now!?! The last time we talked you were in college! Hey, do you remember all those times that we used to meet on weekday afternoons and I would tell you all those stories and you would laugh? I’d be at work and you would just wait around for me to dish out some gold? Ya know, those were some of the best moments I had. I miss those days. Whether we were talking sports, links, Mavs, MacDonalds or just shooting the shit, those days were unbeatable. We were good together.

You know, I’ve thought about those moments for a long time now. And I never really spoke up about them, until now. Wait, wait, don’t roll your eyes! I’m not here asking for those days again. I’m here to just see if maybe we can be friends again. Maybe you can stop by and chill for awhile?

I know it’s been almost two years now and much has happened, so there is no reason to stand here and try to list off what has happened in our lives in chronological order. Let’s just take it slow. Let’s let the stories come when they do. Let’s not force it. I like this. We can do this. Friends, yes. Friends.




Sooo, you want to make out?

RT's Fireside Chats from Vegas

Our friend RT was in Vegas this week. That's all I'm going to say about that...

"Dude, so... After watching an Asian guy from Rancho Cucamonga win $1700 at video keno, I decided to take the gambling into my own hands. Lost $120 to some Angry Macedonian woman dealer at BlackJack. But...

This was after going to the UNLV game, and later to a minor league hockey game with my uncle and sister. My uncle and I were hammered. Then, after we left the Orleans, we proceeded to hit Mandalay Bay, where I of course, thought it would be a brilliant idea to hit on these Argentinian chicks. One of their buddies apparently started talking trash about me in line for the club, and my sister goes, "dude, he speaks spanish, you jackass..." The guy shut up. Then, I believe we went to Imperial Palace, although I don't recall ever going in. I apparently later passed out in the car on the way home with a Mickey D's double cheeseburger and my wallet in my lap. I thought I had it under control and slapped the big mac in my billfold.

So last night, after telling all her friends about this, my sister begins referring to me as "hambuglar". All her friends on facebook have also begun doing this...

Therefore, it is with great pride that I leave you with this gem: "Robble Robble."

Ryan the sends this...

"On a totally separate and unrelated note, recall Ricky Kemph, who two months ago called the police to report his car was stolen at the club. He has been without a vehicle for TWO MONTHS. last week, DPD called Ricky to notify that they had located his vehicle. It was untouched. In fact, it was in the exact spot where he left it the night of the report.

He had walked out of the club and went to a parking lot two blocks away looking for it. not seeing it there, he figured it was stolen.

No words can describe the sheer lucky idiocy of Mr.Kemph"

(Shaking my head.)

Also, one more small contribution that I have been meaning to post, but just haven't due to my utter lack of effort on this site...

My buddy Pat sends me this one out of the blue:

"Do you remember those old computers in our schools (the Oregon Trail ones) that had the 'Turbo' buttons that didn't do ANYTHING but made you think technology had peaked?"

I would have ot agree with him, my Apple McIntosh from 1988 may have been the most remarkable thing I had seen at the time. Green and black screen and all.

What's eating Gilbert Arenas?

The answer to that and more is right here in Gilbert Arenas's NBA.com Blog. There is something not quite right about this guy, but it makes for funny reading.

Also there is a link there to other NBA players' blogs like NBA neanderthal Chris Kaman, including a the story when he begrudgingly had to cut off his long stringy hair in a story that sounds like it was told by a middle schooler. I refuse to believe that this guy is any smarter than a thirteen-year-old.

Zilch!

So according to this article. Former Oakland Athletics pitcher Barry Zito has rejected the Texas Rangers' offer to pitch for six years at 80 million dollars. Not only were the Rangers the highest bidder for Zito's services, but Zito has an 11-1 record at the Ballpark. So let's think about this: We offer the most money, the most years, and he knows how to pitch here. Add to this that he would have made a championship caliber rotation consisting of him, Millwood, Padilla, McCarthy, and Tejeda.

Tell me then what, if anything, can the Rangers do to get a top flight pitcher into Arlington? Anything? I mean if not Zito, then who? Zito was going to get more money, more years, join a team that would be have been stocked with pitching from the rotation to the bullpen, and he has had success here. Major success. And yet, he said no. Why?

Has Barry Zito been listening to the New York newspapers? Or the media? Maybe. I mean you can just google the East Coast papers and Zito's name and find a story about him. And the thing is that each story has a similar tune. They all tell Barry, in their "all-knowing-I'm-from-New-York-so-that-makes-me-an-expert-on-things" voice (sorry, Mom) that he wouldn't be happy in Dallas. There is only two types of music there: county and western. It's all cowboy hats and leather boots.

Give me a break. Do I really need to go into the inner workings of the 9th largest city in the country? Anyone from the South knows that Dallas is about as western as a pair of capri pants. The town is structured around money. New Money, not the oil money of years ago. This is a place that has its soul in the live music and idiosyncrasies of Deep Ellum and it's muscle in the posh and vibrant areas of Uptown and Victory Park. Any for those who know, these places represent some of the trendiest locations in the country. This is not a backwater, hick town as some New York writers would have you believe. Of course, I am sure they are probably experts about this so I guess I am wrong and should defer to their judgement.

You need a town like New York where you will be in the spotlight. The city will practically make you.

Or will it eat you up, Barry? Think about it. New York is where MVP's and All-Stars like Giambi, A-Rod, Kenny Rogers, and Randy Johnson have been ripped apart under the scrutiny. More often than not, it is in these big baseball cities that free agent stars fail under the pressure.

As a Rangers fan, this does not catch me by surprise. I've seen this happen over and over. Texas gets played, while the pitcher gets paid. The only exception is when they signed Chan Ho Park for 51 million, only he got paid and proceeded to wet the proverbial bed for five years, but I refuse to go into that now.

Let's do a rundown, here is a short list of upper tier free agent pitchers that have not signed with the Rangers, despite being offered the high dollar amount. Also, this list is limited to the pitchers that I remember in the next 15 seconds:

1. Randy Johnson - Who openly admitted later that he had no intention of singing with Texas. he only wanted to raise his price for Arizona.

2. Roger Clemens - Went to New York despite saying that he wanted to stay in Texas.

3. Matt Morris - I think I am just mad about this one because I've been told he looks like me, and that would have created a wonderful little situation for me here in Dallas.

4. Roger Clemens again - Yeah, that's twice now. That is unless, those 50 games he sat out last year were for something else?


I am sure there are more and the possibility of Mulder doing this is always there. Anyways, I think you see the point. Regardless, It's about that time for me to head the airport. See you in Nashville.

Funniest Thing Ever?

Say what you want about Justin Timberlake, but he is soley responsible for the two funniest episodes of Saturday Night Live in the past seven years.

The figurative hangover

December. Wow, and what have I done? Nothing on this site. So, for the handful of you still loyal to come around every now and then let me say, "Thank you." For the rest of you traitors lets just move on before the name calling starts.

Let me catch all of you up real fast: work became worky, free time became not free timey, drinking became sobriety, and I became not so much fun any morey....? Anyways, you get the idea. Lets just say that studying for the LSAT really took up my time as does work. But fear not forgotten ones, for ye are never forgotten. I have some good stuff for you that I will try to put together sooner rather than later. Because I am a realistic person, I assume that daily readers have become a thing of the past; therefore, I figure that most of you who still make a visit or two do so weekly or biweekly or whenever you just bored enough to remember this silly site. Anyways, for you today I have a story from good ole' RT.

I got this e mail from him this morning:

"Honestly dude,
I'm not wearing any socks. I'm not wearing any drawers. I shaved and brushed my teeth at the office this mornig. That's a little outrageous, I think. I am still drunk, but at least the guy wants to donate, right? hahah!"

It's even funnier when you add the fact that this a guy who works for Dan Branch, a member of the United States Congress. And we wonder why the government is so unresponsive to the needs of its constituency.

Anyways, I felt his pain being as my night could be summed up by saying:

"I went to happy hour with some co workers till 9. Didn’t eat, drank and drank. Swerved my way to Mickey D's (Don't try this at home kids). Threw some fries down my guzzle, and landed face first on my bed. I woke up at 2 am with about 100 missed calls from Jessica. She had to call Pat to find out where I was. "

Not quite shaving at the office, but something to write home about, most definitely. Regardless, Ryan was not done and added this little bit to my morning:

"To further piece my night together: my uncle in Durango called me and offered me Broncos tickets. At 1 in the morning.

I think I made out with the bartender.

I don't remember driving home.

All i want to do is go ajs;dflkjaslkdfjal;k kjfnvlaksjwoijaiwlfgajm on my keyboard and close my eyes and go back to sleep.
Damn, I have to sleep tonight. DAAAAAAAMN.

Or we can go out again.
Proud of you for letting Jess find you like that. That's always fun. "

Agreed. But he goes on and takes a figurative turn...

"Dude, I'm never drinking again. I know that sounds ridiculous, but this time, I'm serious. I almost just lost my job because I missed an event at a school at 815 this morning. I went to happy hour which turned into happy 2 in the morning with a guy who wants to donate to our campaign last night. Damn. My head hurts."

RT. Representing Dan Branch. Representing Texas. Representing you.